Unconditional
by pzajm
Summary: Warning: starts off somewhat darker than the usual sarcastic/humorous tone of the original series. It's prom night and Jenna wallows in self-pity over Matty being with Bailey. But something's about to happen that shows her there's more to life than Matty McKibben and high school. Please review so I know to continue the story :) thanks!
1. Unconditional

DISCLAIMER  
I do NOT own any of the characters from MTV's 'Awkward.'. This is just a depiction of what I have dreamed up will happen post-season 3. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MTV.

Chapter 1: Unconditionally

'Prom night. Tonight was prom night, and I, Jenna Hamilton - was sitting here like every other damn day, blogging my feelings. Which were currently...askew. Who was I kidding? I'm completely heartbroken. I had forgotten that karma was a bitch, and while expecting things to start going my way, she bit me right in the ass. In the form of a friend. With the gift of hindsight, I should have seen it coming. But I didn't, and it's pretty obvious that Matty was hanging out with me just to spend time with Bailey. I guess I deserved all this.'

Before she could type another word, Jenna felt a sudden dull back ache accompanied by slight pain in her abdomen. Shaking it off, she decided to do yet another prom night loner thing, by changing into her pyjamas and watching a movie or two. With her parents.

"Sooooo who wants popcorn?!" Lacey asked a bit too cheerily as Jenna dragged herself into the living room.

"Oh yes please!" Responded Kevin with the type of delight that was usually reserved for toddlers.

Rolling her eyes, Jenna huffed. "You guys, I'm fine. You don't have to be so over the top. I'm fine being here with you."

"But Jenna, it's prom!"

"What your mother means," cut Kevin as he shot Lacey a look "is that...you're seventeen, it's prom night, and you're in your pyjamas at 8pm at home with your mom and dad. It's okay to feel down about it."

"But I DON'T feel down about it!" 'I did. I felt so down in the dumps, I was pretty much down the rabbit hole with Alice. There it was again - the weird dull pain. I shouldn't have had that shrimp for dinner.'

After what had felt like forever of hanging out with her parents, Jenna checked the time. It was only 10pm. This was turning out to be the longest, most gruelling night of her life.

"I think I'm gonna turn in now," she announced as her parents, who were contently cuddled up to one another, barely acknowledged her presence. Groaning as the pain hit again, she slid herself under her cool sheets and brought her knees up to her chest. It was getting progressively worse, something she wasn't sure happened with food poisoning. The pain brought with it waves of nausea, but nothing major like heaving or actual puke. She shut her eyes; all she could see was Bailey embracing and caressing Matty at the prom, everyone was having a blast without her. Her eyes opened again as a single tear emerged from the eye closest to her pillow, and slowly trickled down the side of her face. 'I deserve this. All of it.'

She still loved him, despite knowing he would never feel the same about her again. His gesture of asking Bailey to prom made that Cellophane-clear. Was this what unconditional love felt like? Or was this just bordering on obsessive? Feeling her eyelids getting heavier, she gave in to sleep before her thoughts could consume her.

* * *

Jenna jolted awake as a sudden wave of pain hit her out of no where. She was sweating, and not knowing what the hell this pain was made it feel so much worse than it probably worse. The digital alarm clock on her bedside table read 1:07am, so she had slept for a couple of hours at least. She sat up and decided to get out of bed for a glass of water and some pain killers. As she walked, the pain became more intense yet, somehow more bearable. Pouring herself a glass of water, she had to suddenly grab onto the counter top and keel over. THAT made the pain worse. It wasn't a constant pain, there was a constant dull ache but the actual pain came in waves. 'What the hell is going on?' She thought to herself. There was no way some bad shrimp was causing this much agony.

"Jenna, are you okay?" Lacey asked, emerging from the dim lighting of the doorway leading to the bedrooms. She was squinting, so had obviously just woken up.

"I don't know," Jenna admitted through gritted teeth as another wave of pain passed over her. "I've been having this pain since early this evening...I thought it was the shrimp in my chow mein but the pain has been getting worse. I just don't know what it is." She grabbed onto the counter top, keeling over again.

"Do you feel nauseous? You haven't puked so it can't be food poisoning," Lacey asked, concerned now. She laid a gentle hand on Jenna's back.

'Suddenly, we heard a tiny 'pop' and my pants were completely drenched. I was completely embarrassed, thinking for a millisecond that I had wet myself! Why just a millisecond? For just a tiny millisecond, I had thought that I'd wet my pants, but as soon as the thought even entered my mind, I felt an extremely intense pressure in my butt. Like everything was just going to fall out of me. Like I was going to die!

I think my mom saw how much pain I was in, because when I looked at her she didn't say a thing about me wetting my pants. Instead, she started saying 'oh fuck!' repeatedly. What was going on?! I couldn't even think at this point, my moms voice slowly drowned into the background as the pressure in my butt got worse, and worse, and worse. I was definitely going to die (or so I had decided). I started sobbing uncontrollably - I literally felt like I was about to be split in half. It wasn't painful, but I can't even describe the pressure in my damn butt any better than I already have. It was kind of like pain, I guess.

I heard my mom again, and realised that my dad was now awake. She must have woken him up. "We need to call 911!" I heard him say. Everything was a blur, sometimes their voices were muffled and sometimes they were clear as day. I got a definite sense of panic from them both, which wasn't helping my cause - at all. Yup, I was definitely dying.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" I yelled at them as another surge of immense pain came over me, pushing the huge ball of pressure inside me even lower. "An ambulance is on their way..." I heard my mom say as she crouched down to my level. I was squatting against the couch, with my hands gripping it so hard I thought my fingers might start bleeding. She saw the fear in my eyes and laid her hand on my back again. I could see that she was freaking out too. "...Jenna, I think you're..."

But before I could even hear what her impromptu diagnosis was, I started to push.


	2. WTF

DISCLAIMER  
I do NOT own any of the characters from MTV's 'Awkward.'. This is just a depiction of what I have dreamed up will happen post-season 3. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MTV.

"Jenna? Honey?" I heard my mom ask softly. We had been in this hospital room for over twelve hours - and she hadn't left my side for even a second. I was so grateful for that.

I turned my head from the window to look at her. Her eyes were filled with a sadness I just couldn't describe. It looked like the "I'm not mad, just disappointed." look that I had seen far too often in the last few months. What had I done? I diverted my gaze from my mothers face to what she was holding in her arms. A sleeping baby. My sleeping baby. A baby I didn't even know I was having. Like the pain I was feeling not too long ago, a symphony of emotions waved over me every time I even thought of her. Love; sadness; anger; and guilt. I loved that baby, though I really didn't want to. I didn't even know she existed until a few hours ago. The doctors said it must have been a phantom pregnancy. I thought I was still having periods, and aside from my sanity sabbatical, everything else was just as it always was. I didn't have a clue. Apparently she was born at full term, but my washboard abdomen would really beg to differ.

The sadness was much more complicated, if that was even possible. I was sad that my life would now be changed forever - a change that I couldn't even prepare for. Sad that at only seventeen, I was a mom. Sad that my whole family would now be judged; teen parents who raised a child who then became a teen parent - the conservatives of the town would have their pitchforks and torches at the ready. Anger - this one was for the fact that the father of my baby was probably the last person I wanted a baby with right now (despite the fact that I *didnt* want a baby right now to begin with).

I felt guilty, for not knowing, for not loving her as much as she should have been loved while she was slowly growing. For not loving her as much as she should have been in this moment. For having to decide whether or not I would raise her.

"You should at least tell him..." My mom interjected my thoughts. She could see right through me. "You shouldn't have to decide alone." Her eyelids fluttered and I could see she was near tears. I knew she was in disbelief that I would even need to think twice about it - but it was different for her. She had my dad by her side. Granted, my baby daddy didn't have a clue, but that ship had long sailed. If I decided to raise this baby, I would be doing it alone. No one to share the poopy diapers, the sleepless nights and every little milestone with. Alone.

* * *

"I heard she kept it a secret the whole time!" Matty heard someone whisper in a flurry as he walked down the hallway, towards his friends who were congregated by his locker. "Ugh, what a slut!" He heard someone else say.

"...is everyone still talking about Jenna cheating on me?" He asked Jake just as he joined the group.

"Huh? Dude, people stopped talking about that like a month ago." Jake responded, casually draping his arm over Tamara's shoulders.

"Has anyone seen Jenna? First period's about to start and I haven't heard from her since school ended on Friday!" Ming exclaimed, looking around somewhat manically.

"Come to think of it, neither have I...maybe she's just down in the dumps about prom?" Tamara said, almost whispering the latter part of her sentence. It didn't fall short of Matty's ears, whose gaze shot to the ground as soon as the subject of Prom came up. "I call shenanigans. I'm texting her. Something has to be up!"

"Sooooo..." Jake said as he took his arm off Tamara and turned towards Matty. "...Bailey?" He concluded with a wink and a nudge in the ribs for his best friend.

"Nah." Everyone, including Tamara, looked up in shock. Taken aback, Matty continued "she's a Freshman, we're near the end of Junior year...it's too weird."

"Not to mention the fact that she was Jenna's friend!" Tamara snapped.

"Was?" Ming questioned. She was still looking around manically - this time for Fred Wu. With Becca back and deriving the ways of the ninja, Ming couldn't afford to be careless, despite their treaty.

* * *

"Ming! MING!" She heard someone shouting as she walked through the crowd in the hallway in a vain attempt to get to third period early. Spinning around, she realised that it was Fred Wu.

"Where have you been all day?!" She demanded as he embraced her.

"The mafia abducted me! They told me about Jenna,"

"Told you what about Jenna?" She questioned, looking confused. Pushing her glasses up, she looked pointedly waiting for a response.

"Oh man. Umm...she's at the hospital." He told her, smoothing the back of his hair with his hand sheepishly.

"What?! Why?!"

"Even they don't know! The mafia don't know!" And with that, both Ming and Fred Wu looked at each other in horror. If the mafia didn't even know, that could only mean one thing. This shit was serious, and it was being well hidden.

"TAMARAAAAAAA!" Ming shouted as she ran off through the crowd, not caring who she pushed or shoved as she did so.

* * *

"Well then let's just go see her! That way she can't avoid our texts anymore!" Tamara said to Ming in a hushed tone. Matty and Jake were only a few steps away and the girls didn't feel they should know that Jenna was at the hospital, even though they didn't know why she was there. It was already the end of the day and Jenna had replied to zero of the millions of texts they sent her. Calls went straight to voicemail. Even her parents weren't answering calls! This was too weird.

"I can't believe Jenna ditched today!" Jake exclaimed in disbelief as he and Matty walked towards the girls.

Ming looked pointedly at Tamara, urging her not to say a thing - something T was terrible at. "Uh, uh... I know right!"

"I mean, how selfish can she get? Matty moves on and she still tries to make everything about her? It's pathetic!" He continued. Matty sighed awkwardly.

"Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about!" Tamara said as she smacked her boyfriend on the arm.

"Yeah? And she's been a total bitch to MY best friend!"

"To be fair, Jake, she's been trying to make amends for the last month or so...give her a break man." Matty interjected. As much as he should have hated Jenna, he didn't. At all. Even when she was with Collin and she was being a total douchecanoe, he never hated her. It was *Jenna*, he just couldn't.

"Ugh!" Jake retorted in disgust. "Dude, you're way too nice."

* * *

"This feels wrong." Ming whispered to Tamara as they walked into the reception area of the hospital. It smelled like death and sanitizer.

"Why are you whispering?" The red head asked. It was true, there was no need. They were sneaking behind Jenna's back but it's not as if they were sneaking into the actual hospital. A middle aged nurse greeted them at the reception desk and gave them directions to Jenna Hamilton's room.

"That's weird," Tamara muttered as she pressed the button in the elevator that would lead them to the fourth floor. "Isn't the fourth floor maternity?" Both girls looked at each other and laughed. The thought of Jenna being pregnant was hilarious, not to mention, ridiculous.

The 'ping' of the elevator that signalled they had arrived on the fourth floor sounded, and they soon learned that Jenna's room was about thirty seconds away from said elevator. Through the little window they could see Lacey, Jenna's mom, or rather they could see the back of her head. The door was slightly ajar and as they could hear Lacey talking, they started creeping quietly towards it.

"Jenna...you really need to decide soon. And you need to tell him."

"I know I do mom, but I can't think right now! And I can't face Matty."

"But sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. You had no idea, there were no signs! Your baby is completely healthy and fine, stop beating yourself up. And who cares what anyone else thinks? It's not how we imagined we would become grandparents, I mean come on I'm thirty-four years old, but Jenna, we have your back. You know that. But please Jenna; please keep your beautiful daughter. She needs you."

"WHAT. THE. FUCK?!" Both Ming and Tamara yelled as they swung the door to Jenna's room open.


	3. Lissa has a moustache

DISCLAIMER

I do NOT own any of the characters from MTV's 'Awkward.'. This is just a depiction of what I have dreamed up will happen post-season 3. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MTV.

* * *

"Jenna what the hell is going on?! Whose baby is that?" Ming asked, pointing to the infant in Lacey's arms.

"Angelina Jolie stopped by and was handing out spares?"

"JENNA!" Tamara yelled. Jenna didn't think she had ever seen her look so pissed and confused at the same time, not even when they found Ricky Schwartz in the closet...

"Okay..." She drew a long intake of breath. "She's my baby. There."

"But you weren't even pregnant. What the hell? Did I just moonwalk into the twilight zone?! I call shenanigans!"

"Tamara," Lacey pleaded "it's true. Jenna had a phantom pregnancy...she didn't even know she was pregnant. None of us did."

"Fuck me!" Both Tamara and Ming echoed as they slumped themselves either side of Jenna on the bed, which felt more like a sardine can at that point.

"Is it Matty's?" Ming asked innocently. She was staring at the baby, currently being cradled by her grandmother, with both of her tiny wrinkly baby hands resting on either side of her chubby little face. You would have to be completely blind to not see the resemblance between the baby and the younger McKibben; wavy dark hair, a defined nose and that mouth that pretty much every girl at Palos Hills had memorised the look of. Nobody had to even say whose baby that was, it was so very clear.

"Yes, SHE is." Jenna corrected. "He doesn't know...I wouldn't even know where to begin. 'Hey, remember when I cheated on you, then dumped you so I could fuck the guy I cheated on you with? Yeah, turns out I was significantly pregnant with your baby the whole time! Awkward!' - I'm sure he'd react really well to that!"

"Well, when you put it that way..." Tamara rolled her eyes. Suddenly all three girls heard a strange noise coming from the other side of the room. Turning their heads at the same time, they all started laughing when they realised Lacey was upright, still cradling the tiny baby, but fast asleep and snoring away.

"She hasn't slept in three days." Jenna muttered with a small sigh of relief that her mother was finally getting some much needed rest. She wearily climbed over Tamara's legs, took the infant from Lacey's arms and held her tight. The baby girls eyes fluttered behind closed lids as she felt her own mothers breath on her face.

"Can I...hold her?" Jenna smiled at the request. She didn't want to let go of her baby.

"In a little while.", she told her best friend as she perched herself on the chair beside her sleeping mom, never taking her eyes off the beautiful baby that couldn't believe she had made.

* * *

"I can't believe Jenna was pregnant. And for forty weeks, give or take a couple!" Tamara exclaimed, hoping her mom wouldn't overhear her telephone conversation with Ming. "I can't keep this from Jake anymore...it's killing me!"

"T you CAN'T tell him! This isn't your secret to tell! Besides, Jenna might not even keep the baby."

"Seriously Ming? That's her baby that she made, she should take care of her! And it's annoying that she doesn't have a name yet! Maybe she should name her Tamara..."

"Yes. And no! This will ruin Jenna's life! She'll end up like..."

"Like who?!" T interrupted, getting seriously pissed with Ming's total republican attitude to their friends situation. "Lacey? Because she is freakin awesome. Stop being such an ass!" She added as she hung up.

About two seconds after hanging up on Ming in a rage, she received an incoming call from Jenna.

"Hey!"

"T, I don't know what to do." Jenna cried down the phone.

"What do you mean?"

"I love this baby more than I have ever loved anything on the face of the earth...and she deserves better than me."

"Jen, quit being so dumb. Just spending a few hours with you today showed me how much you've changed since that little cherub was born. I think you're a great mom already, I really do. You know I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it."

"Thanks T." Jenna sobbed even harder.

"Now what?!"

"I still don't know...I have to tell Matty and consider his feelings on the situation too. Then I can make a decision."

"You're right," T agreed. "But how the hell are you going to tell him he has a three day old daughter who you didn't even know you were pregnant with?! And how are you going to explain why you took this long to tell him?!"

* * *

"Is Jenna ditching again? This is the third day she hasn't been here..." Matty questioned Tamara as she rummaged through her locker.

"What's it to you?!" She snapped. The pressure of keeping the biggest secret she had ever had to keep was way too much. She started to pant, and noticing that she looked kinda nauseous, Matty took a step back from her - just in case.

"LISSA HAS A MOUSTACHE THAT SHE HAS WAXED EVERY WEEK!" She exploded.

"Oookay then..." Matty muttered, turning to walk in the opposite direction, when he bumped into someone.

"Oh, sorry!" Bailey said as she realised who she had bumped into and quickly looked to the ground to avoid eye contact.

"Um, it's okay, that was my fault." He assured her awkwardly. Both looked around, as though they were thinking of an excuse to get going.

"Well uh, I should..."

"Yeah I need to, uh, get to... Bye." And both walked away in opposite directions.

"What the hell was that all about?" Tamara asked, having just witnesses the entire awkward encounter.

"I'd rather not get into it right now."

"I'll tell you what's going on with Jenna if you tell me..." She trailed, hoping Matty would take the bait.

"Is she alright?" He asked, trying not to seem over-eager to know.

"Iiiiiiii guess so..." Being cryptic was pretty damn hard for Tamara. All Matty had to do was look at her pointedly before...

"SO JENNA DIDNT KNOW WHICH IS WHY YOU DONT KNOW YET BUT I THINK YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE IT'S YOUR PARENTAL RIGHT TO KNOW-"

"My what? Tamara what the fuck is going on?!"

"-JENNA HAD A BABY WHILE WE WERE ALL AT PROM AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT BUT IT'S A COMPLETELY HEALTHY BABY AND SHE WAS FULL TERM WHICH MEANS THE BABY WAS CONCEIVED LAST SUMMER AFTER HER AND JAKE BROKE UP WHICH MEANS THE BABY IS YOURS!" She blurted as though Jenna's entire situation was one word.

Not saying a thing, Matty walked away.

* * *

A/N: what do you think should happen next? Please let me know in the reviews section :) - pzajm


	4. So keep your sausage wrapped!

My blood ran cold. Did Tamara just say 'it was MY parental right'...? I needed to know what the hell was going on.

'We need to talk.' I typed a new message to Jenna as I power-walked/sprinted to my truck. Was Tamara being serious? As far as anyone knew, Jenna was in no way pregnant. And we had been safe! Well, most of the time...oh, shit. All those sayings from sophomore year sex ed with Ms Marks came flying back into my mind. "It only takes one time to get pregnant so keep your sausage wrapped!" I was so traumatised by that class, I shuddered. As I put my keys into the ignition, I decided to hit 'send' on the message to Jenna. If everything T had said was true, then we really did need to talk. I just hoped that she would be willing to talk to me.

* * *

I drove around town for what felt like hours, waiting for Jenna to respond. Having kids was something I had definitely thought about while we were together, but I didn't want any for maybe another ten to fifteen years!

I used to think about it a lot when it was just us hanging out together. She would say something silly or awkward and she would realise what she'd said, try to cover it up but then realise it was too late and start to blush. That expression, that smile she used to do in those moments made me think that she was the one I wanted to spend years with. I saw us going for another ten to fifteen years at least, and having those kids I thought of. That was when I thought I knew who Jenna was. Even since we became friends again, she just wasn't the same. I couldn't look at her in the same way anymore - because she cheated on me? No, but because I broke her. She said her affair with Collin had started the night of that photography showcase - the one where I ditched her after telling her that I had been embarrassed by her. I ditched her. I told her I had been embarrassed by her. It had taken me months to realise, I broke my Jenna when I told her that.

Then I realised. She would have been pregnant throughout all this. How could we have not known?! I didn't understand it. We couldn't have a baby. We weren't even done with high school. We weren't even together anymore! This is so fucked up.

I heard my phone start to buzz, so I broke out of my thoughts and pulled over to see if it was a response from Jenna.

"Yeah, I guess we do."

That was it? How could she be so casual? Was what Tamara said to me even true? It couldn't be if this was how Jenna was acting. Then another message came through.

"Come over, we've just got home."

We. They had just gotten home. Maybe T's outburst did check out after all. The anxiety was killing me, so I put my cellphone down and headed toward the Hamilton's. Tamara might be wrong. There might be nothing there. Jenna might just want to talk about Bailey.

I might be a dad.

* * *

As I pulled up outside her house, I remembered the last time I did this. It was when I had come to ask Jenna if she was cool with me asking Bailey to prom. I saw the look in her eyes when I eventually spat it out. I guess it was the look I was going for. It was a look that showed me I had gone too far leading her on. I wanted to ask Bailey, because I wanted Jenna to feel the betrayal I felt, when I found out she was cheating on me. In my mind, I would never be able to move on until I knew she had felt that pain. I thought I would be satisfied seeing the hurt in her eyes. I wasn't. I thought it would make things easier. It didn't. It proved nothing except that I still loved her; I just didn't have the guts to tell her. So I asked Bailey, who said yes, and we went to prom. I got us a hotel room for that night, with every intention of getting laid. And I did. Now I felt nothing but regret. I felt so, so bad about everything. And having a baby with Jenna would make all that messed up shit feel so much worse.

Oh, fuck. I might be a dad.

* * *

It was the longest ten seconds of my life. I had finally found the guts to get out of the truck, walk up to the house and knock on the door. I felt like my stomach was doing flips as I stood there, waiting for someone to answer the door. Then I heard someone fumble with the doorknob on the inside.

"Matty! Come in," Lacey said, kinda feigning surprise as though she didn't know I was coming. I let go of the sort of self-hug I was giving myself and walked through the open door sheepishly. I turned to face her as she shut the door behind her.

"Soo..." This was so awkward.

"So..." Lacey echoed. She looked just as awkward and anxious as I did. Silently, she led me into their living room. I had been here so many times, but this time, everything felt strange and unfamiliar. It was way too weird. Stupidly, I was too caught up in my own daydream to realise I was just about to walk into Kevin, Jenna's dad.

"Oh, sorry!" I said as I bumped into him. I looked at his face, and to say he looked pissed would have been an understatement. I quickly looked down at my shoes - I didn't know what to say to him.

"Matty," I heard Jenna's voice call. Kevin moved out of the way, crossed arms still in tact, eyes still watching me. I could feel them burning into the side of my head.

Then I saw her for the first time. There she was, a tiny new baby fast asleep across Jenna's arm and lap. She had thick dark hair, a defined little button nose and the tiniest little mouth I had ever seen. I knew as soon as I laid my eyes on her that she was *mine*. I felt my eyes sting with the threat of tears and I started to blink a little too fast to try and stop them from coming. I was completely enthralled by this little girl. I slowly crouched down in front of Jenna to get closer to the baby. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Lacey nudging Kevin, and soon after both of them left the room.

"How did this happen?" I whispered, looking up at Jenna. She had tears in her eyes too, but she looked scared.

"I'm sure I don't have to explain how sex works to you, Matty." She said bluntly. Fair enough, she must have still been pissed about the whole Bailey and prom thing. I couldn't blame her for that.

The baby gave a little sigh and we both looked at her. I was completely overwhelmed. Confused, distraught, angry. But I was confused more than anything.

"It was a phantom pregnancy..." I looked at her even more confused, and she went on "apparently you can not have any symptoms...not have a belly and have a full-grown infant inside you. I learned the hard way." She scoffed slightly. "I just thought you should know, because I haven't decided...what to do yet."

"What do you mean?" Surely she wasn't saying that she was thinking about giving our baby up? As unprepared as we were for this, there was no way in hell someone else was going to raise her. Not a chance. At this point I didn't even care what my parents (who would probably bury me alive when they found out) thought.

"Matty...we're seventeen. We're not together. We didn't even know this was happening. She deserves better."

"How can you be so cold about this? This is our daughter you're talking about! No, I won't let you give her away!" I raised my voice a little without meaning to. I stood up and ran my hands over my hair. I felt my heart race and my stomach was sinking. I had only just met her, but she was MY baby.

"I hadn't made a decision yet!" She yelled at me, startling the sleeping baby. "I'm thinking about it. I'm not being cold. I gave birth to her, and I've spent the last four days with her, I'm completely in love with her. I have never felt anything like this in my life!" I winced at that. Ouch. "What I'm saying is," she continued when she saw my expression "I love her. And that's why I'm trying to think about what's best for her. Not me. And definitely not you."

"Your parents were our age when they had you. Look at them now! Look at you! Jenna," I kneeled back down in front of her. "You're right, we're not together. But this is just an extra reason that we should be together. We can do this, together. Please, I want to raise my own daughter. I don't want strangers raising her or worse, what if she ended up in foster care?" I knew she knew that I had a point.

"No. I don't want to get back together, Matty. You didn't want to before this, so why now? I asked you to come today because I wanted to make the decision with you, but you're not thinking clearly. All of our futures depend on this. I have to choose the right option, so I'm making this decision alone."

"Jenna..."

"So what happened with Bailey?" She asked as though she already knew something.

"Don't pretend like you haven't guessed, but that's not important right now anyway." I responded. It wasn't her business, but now I felt like it kinda was.

* * *

At that very moment, the very last person either of them wanted to see, walked in on their conversation. "Jenna are you here?! Jenna, I swear nothing happened between me and..." Bailey stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw Jenna wasn't alone. "...Matty."

_Liar._

* * *

A/N: thanks so much for the reviews, they really mean a lot! - pzajm


	5. A-Z

It was the first day of senior year tomorrow, and after almost four months of being MIA I wasn't sure how I would rejoin the masses at Palos Hills. Sure, it was only three and then some months - but it had felt like an eternity for me. I'll give you the 'DL' - my Tamara-isms aren't that great after not hearing them all day everyday, give a girl a break!

Drama, drama, and more... yep, drama. Where do I start? Let's try this alphabetically.  
B is for: Bailey. She came to my house and spun a whole web of lies about her and Matty - strangely, in front of Matty, who had an opposing side to everything she was saying. It was like being at a horribly awkward Wimbledon match. "Matty and I never slept together", 'Yes we did!' "It didn't mean anything!" 'You said I was your first!' ... really, I didn't know who to believe. My dad kicked them both out because their yelling set off some of my mama bear hormones and I started ugly crying.

C is for: Collin. After our run-in in Mr Harts class, he had been texting me despite me not reciprocating the desire to speak to him. It seemed he didn't understand that saying 'I can't hate someone I don't care about' meant I never wanted to hear from him. Ever.

D is for: Daughter. After much deliberation, and even drawing up a 'pros and cons' table, I decided that the McHamilton lovechild needed to be raised by her mother. Me. I have a daughter, one who was pretty much four months old to the day and was looking an insane amount like her father. Both my parents had obviously come around by the time I made this decision, and they were thrilled. I was most shocked by my dad being so accepting - I guess history repeating itself wasn't that much of a bad thing to them.

OK, I don't have anything for E, F, G, H, I, J, K, or L. So let's skip to M, which is of course, for: Matty McKibben. After my dad forcefully escorted him and Bailey out of our house, I have no idea what happened between them, but Tamara told me they had been dating all Summer. Which I'm totally cool with. Or at least I keep telling myself I am. As far as I know, only Matty's dad knows about our baby for now- we've all been trying to figure out a way to break it to his mom that those pills she wasn't too hot about didn't work anyway. 'Oops? You're a grandma!'

He tried talking about 'us' any time we were alone with the baby, moments that I tried to keep to a minimum. But Matty was really assertive when he wanted to be. I have to emphasise 'when he wanted to be'. Truth is, there wasn't an 'us' anymore. There was Matty and Bailey, and there was me and our baby. Talk about messy. I had asked him a few times how Bailey was, but I stopped asking when I realised he didn't want to talk about her. I don't know if he wanted to be private about their relationship, or if he just felt weird talking about it to me (though he didn't feel weird asking me if it would be okay to ask Bailey to prom...) but something was weird, really weird. Like when you watch 'Carrie' for the first time without doing a pre-emptive plot Google search and you just know something isn't right with that chick.

Matty's dad had even come to meet his granddaughter, which was nice. He was really sweet about it and I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter something like 'at least it's the one that didn't end up in rehab'.

Then there was Ming, who had completely distanced herself from both Tamara and I. Neither of us had a clue where she was or what she was doing, we assumed she had completely immersed herself in Fred Wu, but after what felt like hundreds of ignored texts and phonecalls, and a lack of responses when we called at the Huang residence - we gave up. Where the heck was she?

No N, O, P or Q. R is for Rose. That's what we decided to name our baby. I had always liked the name, and I remembered that while Matty and I were dating, the subject of his grandparents came up and he told me that his beloved Nana's name was Rose. To say that Matty was touched when I suggested we name our baby Rose, would be the understatement of the decade. He gave a whole new meaning to ugly crying.

The next letter I'm going to jump to is T: for Tamara, a true friend. She had been around this summer for me and the new addition more than Matty had. She even brought Jake over a lot, and I couldn't have been more grateful. Having them around brought a sense of normality into the most abnormal of situations. They took it upon themselves to be called Auntie Tamara and Uncle Jake - titles that fit them perfectly, if I was going to be honest. Jake was convinced he would soon be teaching Rose to dance...

* * *

Just as I had saved my blog entry, I heard my mom talking to someone at the door. I quickly checked on Rose who was fast asleep, before heading out to see who it was.

"Matty!" Damn, I could have sounded much more unwelcoming than that. He wasn't supposed to be here today, and I had baby puke on my top. Hot. My eyes quickly darted to the ground when he looked at me - all this time later and I still couldn't look him in the eyes, it was far too uncomfortable . Especially since the last time he was here...

"So... $750 on a dress you didn't wear to prom, huh?" He joked. I'm guessing my mom told him. Note to self: kill mom. He chuckled, but it wasn't funny. In an attempt to make it less uncomfortable, I forgot the devastation that dress and how I destroyed it brought me.

"Caught. I bought it stupidly thinking you were going to ask me to prom." Shit.

"Why stupidly?" He asked, seemingly oblivious. I looked at him for a few moments, choosing my words carefully, almost wishing he could read my thoughts so I didn't have to say them out loud. Saying them out loud would just make it real, all over again. I wanted to forget about how stupid I had been.

"...because you didn't." I finally said. There it was, out in the open. It had taken the entire summer for this to come up.

"Jenna," he said as he looked directly into my eyes, my soul, my... OK, enough with the emotional overload. "I feel awful but..."

"Don't. I just wanted you to know... when I hurt you - I didn't know what I was doing. I do now. I didn't love myself enough to let you love me."

And that was the last conversation we had, until now. The rest of that day was spent in silence between us, just attending to Rose when she needed something, kind of like how divorced parents act around their kids... creepy.

"What's going on?" I asked. There were two sports bags on either side of his feet. My mom then turned to me.

"Jenna, Matty told his mother... about Rose."

"Okay...?" Now I was even more confused. Why did that mean he had brought bags? What was in them? My thoughts were attacking me way too fast to process.

"She kicked me out. For good this time. So I was just asking your mom if it would be okay for me to stay here... for a while. If it's not okay, I can find somewhere else."

Again?! So once again, the decision of whether or not to let Matty invade my personal space, or send him away and hurt his feelings, was down to me. We weren't together anymore, and he was with someone else! Wouldn't this be weird?!

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A/N: Feed me... with reviews! ;) xo


	6. Boundaries

**AUTHORS NOTE**: Hey guys, I'm so sorry it's been such a long time since I updated but I haven't forgotten about this story, I promise! I'm currrently writing a super exciting chapter for you, but in the meantime here's a little something to keep you going. it's really short, but what comes next will be worth the wait - I promise! xo pzajm

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"Jenna this is AMAZEBALLS!" Well, I had to give it to her, Tamara sure knew how to make light out of someone else's misery.

"T, his mom kicked him out of his house, she didn't give him backstage passes to a Bieber concert!' I said in a hushed tone, reminding us of who was in the next room and what we were talking about. "Do I have to remind you about the last time he moved in? After a week I was ready to explode!" Literally.

"Jenna you have a frickin baby together, are there even any boundaries left to cross?!"

"There wouldn't be if we were actually together." I rolled my eyes. Matty was still with Bailey. The Matty McKibben I knew was decent enough to be discreet about something like that while living under my parents' roof given the circumstances - but then again, the Matty I knew wouldn't have continued dating a lying hoebag. Who knew what this one would be like - we would just have to see how things unfolded, I guess.

"Hey, Sorry I knocked but I guess you didn't hear me..." his ears must have been burning, the amount Tamara and I were just talking about him. "Oh hey Tamara, I didn't know you were here..."

"Heyyyyy!" Tamara said, somewhat excitedly until she remembered we had been talking about him- the 'hey' finished off kinda awkwardly.

"I just wanted to see if Rose was awake. Is she?" I had to admit - while I didn't feel Matty was boyfriend material for me right now, he was a great dad to Rose - if he wasn't busy being hogged by Bailey, that is. My mom would always say how Matty reminded her of my dad when I was a baby.

"Yeah, come in." I told him, looking over at the chubby little babe gurgling to herself on my bed, in between Tamara and I. Tamara, of course, was gurgling back.

"Your mom and dad just left... though I'm not entirely sure where they went." Matty chuckled nervously. He had always been cute when he was nervous.

"The neighbours' for dinner. Which means they'll be back somewhere around 3am."

"Hey!" Tamara chimed "since I'm sleeping over, why don't we ask Jake to come over? I brought The Conjuring, we can all watch it together since Matty's gonna be here anyway!" I knew what she was trying to do, but really, I couldn't find it within myself to appreciate it. Matty would probably invite Bailey if we were all having a movie night, and Rose and I would be the fifth wheelers.

"Yeah, we could make a night of it." Matty said, smiling right at me. I looked at him, trying to figure out what he was playing at. What was he playing at? Did Matty want a BFGFBFFWB (boyfriend-girlfriend BFF - the double date is implied - with baby)?

"Then it's settled, I just texted Jake!" Tamara said again before I had a chance to even make a choice.


End file.
